What do I believe?

Okay Pete, here it is. I believe (not in order and certainly not limited to):

1. Humans are born mouldable and essentially neutral, however due to our shared humanity, we have or develop intrinsic morality. We are not inherently evil.
   
   
2. 'Everything' doesn't 'happen for a reason,' but if the right environment and need is created by our own desires and actions, things do happen for reasons.
   
   
3. Words have lasting power.
   
   
4. The summum bonum of life is happiness; happiness is God; God is love; love is happiness.
   
   
5. No religion is 100% wrong or 100% right; all contain some form of 'truth' – and these are often the shared elements between them.
   
   
6. Great love and great achievements involve great risk.
   
   
7. Human beings are mammals, however we are at the top of the food chain and are higher cognitive beings, and responsibility for the care of (and destruction of) the earth is ours.
   
   
8. Beauty surrounds us – we only have to look.
   
   
9. Each person is acting and speaking from the expression of their enculturation, upbringing and experience.
   
   
10. Most decisions are either driven by love and/or fear.
    
    
11. Nothing in our lives or in this world is fixed or permanent - the only thing certain is change.
    
    
12. The joy of giving is greater than that of receiving.
    
    
13. Meditation is the path to self-understanding, eventually inner peace, and perhaps enlightenment.
    
    
14. The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
    
    
15. Death is important to reflect upon, in doing so we may remember that life is not a guarantee and we must not take it for granted.
    
    
16. The state of our mind affects the state of our physical bodies, and the health and vitality of our body affects our mental state – it is all an interconnected system.
    
    
17. Now is all there is.
    
    
18. We can only truly love another when we first love ourselves, otherwise we will simply be seeing in another a reflection and will draw energy from one another rather than mutually give.
    
    
19. Everything in this world is made of atoms; atoms are mostly space and energy; everything is therefore mostly space and energy.
    
    
20. Humans evolved over a long period of time, driven by some force (be it Love, Energy, Gaia, God, Allah, or simply the energy of Nature, all are similar in essence).
    
    
21. We have a duty to our fellow mankind, to help those in need and alleviate suffering to the capacity we are able.
    
    
22. Selfishness is not necessarily 'bad'. However, many selfish actions and attitudes can be hurtful to others, and it as a race with consciousness and the ability to empathize, these can be considered 'bad'.
    
    
23. Sex is good, it is at once sacred and simply a physical act.

24. Everyone loves to feel loved, and to be loved, whether outwardly acknowledged or not.
    
    
25. “Though you travel the world over to find the beautiful, you must carry it within you or you find it not.”
    
    
26. Likewise, though you travel the world over to find happiness, you must discover it within you or you find it not.

***

This was a tough challenge to think and write out. As you may have realized, I was asked to think about 'what I believe'. It's not often I sit down and really think about the precepts and tenets I am constantly acting and speaking from. Doing this has made me realize that so much of what I do is guided by concepts developed from an amalgamation of experiences and influences; I am following these 'rules of life' unconsciously.

I believe Aaron will win Masterchef.

Looking back through these 'beliefs', I also realize that almost all are using universal quantifiers. Is it not hard to write a belief without lumping everyone into the belief? I suppose it's important to keep in mind that all have “I believe” in front of them. If I believe it, can it be contested? It's hard, as we are so programmed out of using “I” in universities! Perhaps it will help if I add one other thing I believe:

I believe everyone's reality - everyone's world - is different. One's truth is not necessarily another's truth.

There. That's better. I guess I also now believe that anyone who has beliefs, which is everyone, should be aware of what they believe and why. A person most certainly doesn't have to be 'spiritual' or follow a religion to have beliefs, and just as I would expect someone who follows a specific doctrine to know exactly what it is that they let dictate their lives and interactions, the rest of us should lead by example and know what we believe.

Knowing this, we are able to have guidelines that will undoubtedly lead us to becoming the person we would like to be. Upon reflection, if my 'beliefs' guide all my actions, then I would be one very pleasant, happy person all the time! So why do I act contrary to what I believe? Now that's the hard question.  

...and learn and learn and learn.

I suppose the benefit and curse of modern technology is that anything we write remains. Sure – paper remains, but I’ve always found it’s a lot easier to rip up, burn or simply discard a journal than to click the ominous, eternal, ‘delete’ button.

So here I am at the beginning, back when I was about to embark on my walkabout around the world. I was in Southeast England staying with some friends of Guy’s, and was after a book to read. Randomly pulling a book from the overflowing bookshelves, I opened to the following reflection:

“Hold still and listen

The faint and distant rhythm that is your own

and follow and follow and follow

until you recognize yourself in your step

Settle into your own relieved body

and follow and follow and follow

Until you know yourself once more

and remember

Until you vow to yourself to never get lost again

that with each adventure out into the world

you will come home to yourself

and rest”

- Jane Pujji, from 'follow yourself home'

At this point the extent of the adventure I was undertaking was completely unknown to my dreaming, audacious nineteen-year-old soul. And yet I found myself sitting alone, contemplating and writing on how travel is really only about “recognizing yourself in your step” – coming to know your own self no regardless of location or situation.

“I wonder who to follow; where to look.” I pondered in my journal back then. “It's amazing how situational we have become - how much we attribute external situation with happiness despite learning time and time again that happiness is not bound by situation, but with our state of consciousness. It's the age old “when I make it I'll be happy" that persists, despite out constant experiential learning of its utter fallibility… I am searching for fulfillment in the world, yet fulfillment will only be found now, whoever and whenever I am. It's such a simple principle and we all know it…”

Reading this now, after all that has happened since, makes me realize just how long it takes to truly learn something. As I explore the depths of my journals from my world travels from just two years ago (it feels like so much longer!), I notice many things that I reflected upon then that I have really only recently come to learn. And even then, I recognize that I still hadn't learnt such a simple principle that I had no doubt encountered many times before.

***

It took being brought to my knees; shaking as I learned to walk again with a walking frame and nurses at my side, being spoon fed soft foods as I painfully swallowed, and having to live again under a parents roof and depend on others to be driven around…to vow that, with each adventure out into the world, I will come home to my self, and rest.

***

The Jesuits say, "Give me a child for his first seven years and I'll give you the man." They understand that in the first seven years, humans are being molded; are being programmed. From that point onward however, how do we re-program ourselves? It sure is a lot more difficult. We have to learn, and learn, and learn again until the knowledge passes from our conscious mind to subconscious. But how?

It’s a question I’ve been grappling with lately. How do I maintain the lessons I have learnt recently, the new passions and understandings, the new ability to be in touch with my emotions? How do I combine these with my previous strength and independence? How do I put into place, finally, these things that I have had to learn, learn and learn again?

A picture text to James from the hospital

James and I talked about this recently, and he gave the example of something simple that we learn a few times in life in different ways depending on our stage. “Attitude is everything” was the example. At five, a child hears this and takes it to be a lesson in being friendly to his or her classmates and teacher. A teen may hear it and try to apply it to a rocky home life or friendships in order to save them. Then again, a young professional may hear it and realize, “wow, it's so true yet so simple – my attitude at work really is everything. If only everyone else understood this!”. And then, on a day like today, I will be sitting in a cafe with an intelligent man who will ask me directly "well, is it everything? What exactly is it?"

The old adages prove themselves over and over to have so many more meanings than we know at this point in our lives. I suppose instead of fighting that or trying to learn everything at once, the key is to always be open to learning new things. Instead, we can simply be committed to the continual improvement of ourselves, our environment and the lives of those around us. This weeks exploration, among other things, will involve thinking about what I really believe. What 'beliefs' am I basing my life upon? Here's a first belief -  we won't learn it all at once, but we will learn, learn, and learn again for the remainder of our journey on this earth. 

The Search Begins

Silence encloses me as I lie down to write this. I’ve been putting it off for a while, mulling it over in my wondering mind. I’ve been digging deep into my past recently, beyond simply recollecting my time in Togo, other things, other aspects of my story. 

Since experiencing an initial overwhelming inundation of all things ‘cancer’, I told myself I would wait; I’d just wait until this is all over, and then I would look into it.

Then I would read the books, then I would watch the videos, then I would try figure out why on earth this damn thing got here

…but not now. Now, I’ll just get through treatment and try to live a normal life.

Who was I kidding? Of course I need to find out, and of course I am going to look into it. Someone needs to, and treatment or no treatment, I’m ready to take up the challenge.

“It’s not environmental, it’s not genetic, it’s not lifestyle-related” is all doctors have told me. Previously I thought that those in the medical profession were simply being cautious in not wanting to wonder why I would suddenly, out of the blue, have a tumour growing in my brain. 

However the more I look into things, the more I am beginning to see that doctors are conveniently ignoring important studies and evidence that have been around for years and years. Scholars in the fields of mind/body research, psychotherapy and psycho-neuro-immunology (PNI) among others have produced copious studies with strong evidence toward a psychological-physical relationship from before the beginning of Western medicine. 

However beyond the founding work of Bernard (1865), Solomon (1964), Ader and Cohen (1975) and many others, various cultures and belief systems throughout the world have developed their own viewpoints regarding the onset of disease.

Is there a reason these beliefs and studies have so much evidence and so many adherents, or are these simply mystical lies trying to debunk the medical system?

My gran has always been wise, extremely sensible and thoughtful. She is a devout Christian, and yet yesterday, when I discussed with her the link between stress and physical ailment she wasn’t at all surprised. In her seventy-four years of experiencing it, she knowingly agrees. 

It’s something we all know, really. We are highly stressed for a period of time and, unsurprisingly, we get a cold. We feel angry and tense about something and get an expected sore back. We are suddenly afraid and so our heart pumps faster...but that's all common sense, right?

So why do we stop this train of thought at the simple common cold?

Today I embark on a research project. To research my own cancer. I’ll be asking far more questions than finding answers, and it may be frustrating, scary or time-consuming, but I have to do it. I have to do it for myself, for everyone in cancer wards throughout the world, and for everyone who is affected by or will be affected by cancer.

Visit brainbuzz.org to see what I get up to!

Keeping Body and Soul Together | NZ Listener 2007

"In Christchurch, Dr Brian Broom is concerned at a very personal level with the question of why people get ill. Broom trained as a doctor, then gave up a career in the Christchurch School of Medicine to retrain in psychiatry. He had become frustrated at the way clinical medicine compartmentalised mind and body. The author of the recent book Meaning-Full Disease, he sees psychosocial effects at work every day in his work as a doctor specialising in allergies and as a psychotherapist. Broom finds that many of his patients' physical complaints are related to their "story" -the emotional upsets and traumas they've experienced. As a doctor and psychoanalyst he is able to take an integrated approach to his patients' illnesses. "If you look at the biomedical factors and the emotional factors you get a much better [healing] response." As an example, Broom cites the condition of urticaria and Babc angioedema (weals and swellings). "In the 19th century ecc physicians used to call it 'angio-neurotic edema', but in the 20^th century the division between physical illness and mental illness became cemented and they removed 'neurotic'. As a result angioedema has been very difficult to treat because allergists contend that urticaria is not a psychosomatic illness but a physical illness; but most [cases] don't have a discernible allergy sitting behind them." READ MORE...

The Free Day

There was once a young female who, one day, found herself suddenly “graduated.” She was alone in a home overlooking distant mountains, the hills of Wellington and a glassy, blue harbour. 'What do other people do when they graduate?' she wondered, gazing out at the next plane coming in ('southerly now', she thought - the wind couldn't make up it's mind this day). There was an entire day stretching ahead of her and she sighed, thinking of how finally she could simply sit down and write.

However, the vegetables needed chopping and the soup needed making, so she got up to switch on National radio while she worked in the kitchen for a couple of hours. After finishing, she realized the hospital needed to be called for her blood test results so she could chart the results on excel, keeping up-to-date on her rising and falling (but mostly falling) blood counts. The soup was almost done so she then thought she would pour herself a big, streaming bowl of it, and she toasted her favorite rye bread to have with it with peanut butter. While she was finishing her lunch, her friend Skyped her (when will “Skyped” become a verb?) from the US, during which she heard a vehicle outside. After talking for an hour or so, she ambled down the stairs to check the mail and smiled as she saw a package at the door – 'must have been a courier', she thought. Upstairs again with the mail, she read through her acceptance letter to Whitireia for her journalism diploma starting next month, before ripping open the package to unfold the new duvet cover she had bought online.  Knowing it needed washing, she glanced tentatively with longing at the couch and the computer before putting the cover and pillowcases on 'quick' cycle. 'While I'm washing I'd better just give these a soak too,' she thought as she saw her two delicate pink tops in the bedroom. Setting these to soak, she dealt with her husband James' dirty washing, hanging his work pants out to air. As she was outside, the dog, Ralph, gave her a mournful look and she felt pangs of sympathy as he hadn't had a walk yet. So, deciding to multitask, she thought she would take Ralph the long way down to the shops to post the letter. Upon her return, she stole into her mum's room and used her mini weights (she tried to stay strong) and then showered. Naked and wandering up the stairs with her wig in hand, she thought she might air out the wig. And so, out went the wig along with the duvet cover and pink tops, the wind that had picked up whipping the wet cover into her face. The day was getting on and she suddenly realized she hadn't cleaned the kitchen – what would James think she did all day if the kitchen was still a mess? - so she set about unstacking and stacking the dishwasher and wiping all the surfaces. Now it was getting dark and her mind was turned to James, who could be home anytime from 5.30. So, thinking she would do something sweet for him and seeing the bright red chilies in the bowl, she grabbed a handful of them and skipped down four flights of stairs to the front door, arranging at the entrance a heart shape of chilies. Making sure the door was unlocked and the light on for him, she wandered back up the stairs to make the bed and make dinner. When she had dinner all prepared, she received a text from her James saying he wouldn't be back until 7.30. Sighing at his love of work, 

...I could finally sit down. I absolutely don't blame you if your eyes glazed over that massive, monotonous paragraph. I suppose this has been my exploration of how an entire day can slip by without even being able to do something so simple as write. It's now the next day and it's still taken me until 4pm to sit down and write (the floors needed sweeping, the animals feeding, fire lighting...no I will spare you a rundown of this day too!). The sun is desperately trying to peek out through the thick cloud that has enclosed the city all day, and Warwick and I are sitting by the fire.

Although this may seem a lonely existence, up here in a vast house overlooking a cityscape and beyond, for the first time there is silence. You see, I've recently begun listening to National radio, and during all the distractions of 'life' I've been lucky to be inundated with world news, national news, politics, the latest scientific discoveries and more. My mind has been spinning. Mentally, my first two days after finishing the last of the work for my degree  has been spent traveling to Pakistan, Malaysia, back to the US, down to Parliament, down South...I suppose further than it ever went in a single day at university. In defense of a university education though, it's delightful to feel adequately able to analyze and understand issues due to the International Studies experience and my Anthropological training I have been lucky to have. 

Throughout my degree I was petitioning academia to tell peoples' stories more, to reach the public and engage with not only other academics but everyone with their projects and findings. In all honesty, I've always looked down on journalism as being 'non-academic', not scientific, and lacking ethics. But I've come to realize something. I realized it as I was whisked across the world today by journalists, as journalists dug deeply into the recent bills passed by Parliament, as they were in Malaysia talking to protestors at the election and in Syria talking to UN representatives. As they were discussing the cancer ravaging the Tasmanian Devil, reviewing French films and a children's book written from the perspective of a young female child soldier, as they painted pictures of the weather I love to gaze at and talked with interest and intelligence to artists...

I realized we spend so long pushing so hard against life, trying to do what we think we should do... dreaming of doing other things. And then finally, at some point in our lives, we will have a sudden revelation, and decide, “I've always hated accounting, I'm going to be a gardener!” or, “I've never felt like a genuine salesperson, I'm really an artist!” I know this isn't exactly profound and it's been said before plenty of times, but James and I have hit that point - almost by force really - where we have realized that what we were pushing so hard to do wasn't really fulfilling. It's just like people who hang on to religion when the threads of belief and logic are hanging bare and loose yet they still just hang on, not really knowing why. 

What would you do if your life was suddenly different? If everything you have constructed fell away? What would you bring with you? What would you leave behind? Last time I wrote of how cancer has been one of the best things that has happened to us, but this is a question important to all of us; something we all know already know the answer to deep down. 

Now, simply by social connections and his own drive, James engages with the public every day. He is learning an entire new world, is constantly engaged and loves it. National radio told me Richard Branson has come out and said that no-one really needs business degrees – hearing this, James laughed. We smile about this and know that having a deep social understanding of the world is going to do us well in any job. And now, in just a few months, what my classmates see as work (with a resigned sigh), I will sigh with a smile and think - 

    - 'at last, I can sit down and write'.