...and learn and learn and learn.

I suppose the benefit and curse of modern technology is that anything we write remains. Sure – paper remains, but I’ve always found it’s a lot easier to rip up, burn or simply discard a journal than to click the ominous, eternal, ‘delete’ button.

So here I am at the beginning, back when I was about to embark on my walkabout around the world. I was in Southeast England staying with some friends of Guy’s, and was after a book to read. Randomly pulling a book from the overflowing bookshelves, I opened to the following reflection:

“Hold still and listen

The faint and distant rhythm that is your own

and follow and follow and follow

until you recognize yourself in your step

Settle into your own relieved body

and follow and follow and follow

Until you know yourself once more

and remember

Until you vow to yourself to never get lost again

that with each adventure out into the world

you will come home to yourself

and rest”

- Jane Pujji, from 'follow yourself home'

At this point the extent of the adventure I was undertaking was completely unknown to my dreaming, audacious nineteen-year-old soul. And yet I found myself sitting alone, contemplating and writing on how travel is really only about “recognizing yourself in your step” – coming to know your own self no regardless of location or situation.

“I wonder who to follow; where to look.” I pondered in my journal back then. “It's amazing how situational we have become - how much we attribute external situation with happiness despite learning time and time again that happiness is not bound by situation, but with our state of consciousness. It's the age old “when I make it I'll be happy" that persists, despite out constant experiential learning of its utter fallibility… I am searching for fulfillment in the world, yet fulfillment will only be found now, whoever and whenever I am. It's such a simple principle and we all know it…”

Reading this now, after all that has happened since, makes me realize just how long it takes to truly learn something. As I explore the depths of my journals from my world travels from just two years ago (it feels like so much longer!), I notice many things that I reflected upon then that I have really only recently come to learn. And even then, I recognize that I still hadn't learnt such a simple principle that I had no doubt encountered many times before.

***

It took being brought to my knees; shaking as I learned to walk again with a walking frame and nurses at my side, being spoon fed soft foods as I painfully swallowed, and having to live again under a parents roof and depend on others to be driven around…to vow that, with each adventure out into the world, I will come home to my self, and rest.

***

The Jesuits say, "Give me a child for his first seven years and I'll give you the man." They understand that in the first seven years, humans are being molded; are being programmed. From that point onward however, how do we re-program ourselves? It sure is a lot more difficult. We have to learn, and learn, and learn again until the knowledge passes from our conscious mind to subconscious. But how?

It’s a question I’ve been grappling with lately. How do I maintain the lessons I have learnt recently, the new passions and understandings, the new ability to be in touch with my emotions? How do I combine these with my previous strength and independence? How do I put into place, finally, these things that I have had to learn, learn and learn again?

A picture text to James from the hospital

James and I talked about this recently, and he gave the example of something simple that we learn a few times in life in different ways depending on our stage. “Attitude is everything” was the example. At five, a child hears this and takes it to be a lesson in being friendly to his or her classmates and teacher. A teen may hear it and try to apply it to a rocky home life or friendships in order to save them. Then again, a young professional may hear it and realize, “wow, it's so true yet so simple – my attitude at work really is everything. If only everyone else understood this!”. And then, on a day like today, I will be sitting in a cafe with an intelligent man who will ask me directly "well, is it everything? What exactly is it?"

The old adages prove themselves over and over to have so many more meanings than we know at this point in our lives. I suppose instead of fighting that or trying to learn everything at once, the key is to always be open to learning new things. Instead, we can simply be committed to the continual improvement of ourselves, our environment and the lives of those around us. This weeks exploration, among other things, will involve thinking about what I really believe. What 'beliefs' am I basing my life upon? Here's a first belief -  we won't learn it all at once, but we will learn, learn, and learn again for the remainder of our journey on this earth.